Our adoption story officially started three years ago in February right around Valentine's Day. A few girlfriends had gathered for lunch and a playdate for our children and one told me that her friend had just brought home their daughter from Ethiopia and that AGCI had just opened the program. I could almost say I knew at that point we were going to adopt. I remember Googling African adoption a while back, but in the age of dial-up and not looking at specific countries, I didn't find much out.
I went home and looked into things secretly not yet sharing with my husband what was going on. A few weeks later I told him what I had found out and that I thought we were being called to adopt from Ethiopia. He wholeheartedly agreed and was excited about it from the begining. So we contacted agencies, did some research and applied to another agency. We were approved and were about to begin our homestudy and I got SCARED. I just couldn't see how I was going to manage taking care of our boys, ages 8 and 6 then, homeschooling them and "starting over" with a baby. We had until a certain date to withdraw from the program and get some of our money back. My husband was crushed. It was the hardest thing I ever did and I did it for entirely selfish reasons. I didn't want to do the paperwork, start over with a baby, spend all the money it would take to adopt, change my life, or deal with not being the typical American family. Every single reason I had to not adopt was a selfish one and I knew it.
So we withdrew, but for three years I thought about it every single day. Then about a year ago we got high-speed internet and I could look around more. I kept looking at agencies and finding blogs and videos of Gotcha Days. I didn't share this with my husband because he was still trying to get over our not adopting the first time. Little did I know that he was holding out hope that God would make a way for us and had been praying about it off and on for three years. Finally last September I told him with a racing heartbeat and completely nervous, "I think I'm ready to go to Ethiopia." He was shocked, but also reserved and guarded because he didn't want to set himself up and then be disappointed again. We ordered new material from AGCI, did more research and pre-applied in October or so.
Around Thanksgiving we filled out the online application, but I still couldn't bring myself to hit the submit button. We filled out a paper application finally. A few days later I put it an an envelope. A few days later I wrote a check. A few days later I sealed the envelope and added the postage. It then rode around in my car for about three weeks and every time I drove past the post office, I just didn't have the nerve to mail it. I had told Scott that if we apply again we are going through with it and I wasn't backing out so mailing the application was me giving my total committment to this process. Finally one Sunday in February a friend asked if I had mailed our application. I told her that I hadn't and that I knew I was being disobediant and that I knew this was what God was calling our family to do. It was very clear, but I was still scared. She spoke to me for a good 30-40 minutes that day in hallway and I cried through most of Sunday School and afterward I told my husband we had it mail it right now. We drove directly from chuch to the post office and he took it inside and mailed it. I was crying the whole time. I knew this was what we were supposed to do, but I was still scared, but I was obeying and really beginning to trust God.
I fully expected to wake up Monday morning freaking out about our decision, but I DIDN'T. Every once in a while in the days that followed I would wonder what in the world we had gotten ourselves into, but as the days and weeks progressed, I began to feel a huge sense of peace because I knew we were/are in obediance to God ...finally.
We started working our on dossier in March and finished it at the end of May. We had to make four small changes to our paperwork including two to our reference letters. My dear friends had their corrections made before I made mine. We got our revisions on Friday before Memorial Day, fixed them on Monday and Tuesday and mailed them back Tuesday. Wednesday, June 2 we got the call that we were waitlisted. So now we wait for the next big call when we are number 1 on the list.